Sometimes I noticed him repairing a loose porch step or stacking firewood after storms.
One year in high school, when my boots split apart, a secondhand pair mysteriously appeared beside my backpack.
“Where did these come from?” I asked.
“Church donation,” Mom answered too quickly.
I looked through the kitchen window.
Victor was outside brushing snow from the steps.
None of it made sense to me.
—
Then cancer arrived and slowly shrank my mother.
Stephanie had once carried groceries in both hands and opened doors with her elbows. Near the end, her wrist bones showed beneath her skin.
Two weeks before she died, I sat beside her hospital bed while she nervously picked at the blanket.
“Fiona.”
“I’m here.”
“You have to promise me something.”
I leaned closer.
“Mom, rest.”
“No.”
Her fingers wrapped around my wrist.
“Victor.”
My stomach immediately knotted.
“Not this again.”
“Promise me you’ll feed him.”
“Why?” I whispered. “Why him? Why always him?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“I never put him before you.”
“It felt like you did.”
“I know.”
Her voice broke.
“And I’m sorry.”
“Then tell me why.”
She looked toward the doorway.
“If Mark comes around after I’m gone, don’t let him touch the blue box.”
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